Not like that, no. You know you fucked up badly. You talked. To your enormous good fortune, she forgave you .Now forgive yourself, be grateful for the woman you have, and you get a fucking leash on your impulse control.
My guess is that your ego is a big factor here. Her poking the bear in front of your friends where it would be socially unacceptable to “put her in her place” triggered you. It embarrassed you to have your woman appear to be in ‘on top’ in front of others.
My Dom would be highly upset with me if I took advantage of being in public to misbehave. No doubt about it. He would find that behavior manipulative if I was doing it because others were there and he couldn’t correct me. I can certainly understand why it pissed you off. But letting that anger take over your self control? Well, if my Dom did that, I’d think he cared more about what his friends thought of him, or getting rid of his anger, than about how he treats me.
Is that true for you? Do you care more about looking like you are the cool guy in charge, the guy whose girl serves him and never questions him publicly? Or do you care more about making sure your submissive feels safe and cared for under your leadership? You clearly recognize that you made a mistake here, but I think it makes sense to analyze what let you slip up. Is it because protecting your ego is your #1 goal, and she stomped on your ego by teasing you in front of the guys?
If your ego is the #1 motivator in D/s, I think that can put your sub in scary places. I think most Doms do have big egos, but it’s important to be conscious of that and to consciously try to keep it in check. I think for Dominance to be healthy you have to put your subs wellbeing well above your ego. You are supposed to be her safe place and to be in control of yourself and how you impact her. If you really think you aren’t driven by your ego, if you really are out to take care of her and guide her as your #1 priority then it will probably take a really long time to prove that is who you really are because your behavior here was so contrary to it.
Also I assume your friends were still downstairs when you drug her upstairs? If they witnessed that and then probably over heard you screaming and/or her crying…i’m sure that damaged their respect for you way, way more than they were impacted by her telling you ‘no’.
All of this.
Though I would add it is not just “looking like the cool guy”, it is about being deliberately embarrassed. In a PE relationship that is massive.
But yes, as @instructor144 says, he fucked up.
Really great discussion points here. ^^^ I’ve never had a sub disrespect me in public like that, but I imagine it would take an enormous amount of self control for me to not handle it badly. Some provocations can bring a person right up to that “bright red line,” and it’s one of those moments of truth whether or not the person being provoked pulls back on their own inner leash or crosses that bright red line and “lets slip the dogs of war.” I’d like to believe that in Anon’s situation I would handle it calmly and maturely and not allow myself to be provoked. And then in the cold, gray light of dawn, I’d release her. I’d never give someone the chance to do that to me twice.
I punished in anger she completely disobeyed me in front of my friends Complete with a no, sassing and taunting…. I let her have too much to drink and she wasnt herself I drug her up the stairs yelled in her face bent her over my lap and started spanking her…. She cried and cried and I was just so mad…. We’ve talked and she readily forgave me but I feel like i don’t deserve it…. Have you ever lost control?
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