It sounds like he “agreed” to it grudgingly at best, and he’s not really putting his back into it. Doms are born, not made, and it may simply be that he doesn’t have that in him. Have a meta talk on the topic “Do we start taking this seriously, or shut it down and go back to vanilla?” If he chooses the latter course, you’ll have to decide what to do with that.
if someone can turn it on and off like that, it might speak to how important D/s is in their life. Not always, mind you, but it’s a possibility worth considering talking about, especially to find out if one partner is “born”/wired this way, and the other isn’t.
feeling unfulfilled is not something that should be ignored. the longer you let it go on without discussion, the unhappier you’ll feel. I know the possibility of finding out that you’re incompatible with someone in such a fundamental way is scary, but take the leap. the longer term alternative is going to be so much worse, and leave deeper marks.
So the anon pushed her husband into being her Dom and now she’s complaining about his service. How Submissive!
I agree there needs to be a meta talk but based on the ask and maybe some of the advise that conversation might need to go something like this:
“I lied to you and maybe to myself when I told you I’m Submissive. I’m really a Dominant masochist. It just happens to manifest as bratty Submission. So here’s the deal: I expect you to show up on time and perform the tasks you’ve been given to meet my needs. That’s what this relationship is all about.
“Yes, I’m requiring you to perform acts that resemble conventional D/S but you’ve been confusing my masochism with Submission. But here’s the bottom line, you do what you’re told or you’re out on your ass.”
Does that sound about right?
Funny, but as a shitty Dom I never knew how to deal with topping from the bottom. I always just thought I was doing it wrong. As D/Lg Daddy I’m infinitely more confident and have ways to deal with bratty Littles.
Expecting your supposed Dom to hold up his end of the dynamic is not only topping from the bottom, but makes you dominant? By that definition, there are no submissives in existence.
word.
and honestly, @oldenoughtobeyourfather, all due respect and all, but what you said is a huuuuge reach. and i agree with @babygirladrift – there is nothing about expecting your Dom to hold up his end of the D/s dynamic which he agreed to that equals “topping from the bottom”. and there’s literally nothing from this anon that suggests she’s bratting, a masochist, or dominating.
as i and @instructor144 said prior, her husband may not have his heart in D/s, and that is a conversation that needs to be had between them before they can progress, if they do at all. he needs to be honest with himself about who he is and if he wants this, because doing it “begrudgingly” is going to create one hell of a resentment mess eventually.
and to speak for the /s side, there are very few things that feel worse than being with a Dominant who you know in your heart just doesn’t want it or care anymore.
What @danipup said. There’s a world of difference between expecting someone to step up to a commitment they made on the one hand, and topping on the other hand. If I have one of my little “episodes” where I let my hand slacken on the leash and am not stepping up, I damn well EXPECT to be called on it.
Hello, my husband agreed into this lifestyle but i have to remind him to keep it up. We have an app w tasks which he does keep track of most days but he misses his own tasks such as maintenance. I feel so unsatisfied especially when I’m waiting for it to happen. He won’t reply to my texts while at work even though I can see he read them. I know a lot is on his plate but I’m never a priority. I’ve had meta talks w apology’s but it always ends up same Any advice or posts pls!!!!
Published
Sharp Dressed Dom 