hedonist-woman:

I’ve thought a lot, lately, about a lot of things. Who I’ve chosen to let into my life, who has stayed in it, and who I want to remain (and in what capacity).

I am, at 43, getting tired of a lot of things. I am making changes to be less tired. I no longer want the random sex. I no longer want half ass relationships. I no longer want to be second to anyone or anything, barring my partner’s children, and I expect to be first as well, with the exception of my children.

I don’t know how things will end up. I may be alone for the rest of my life. There may be no person at the end of that red string; no one to pull back, when I pull. Tomorrow I may meet someone who can give me what I want and need. I know I will be better alone than miserable and wanting.

Have you ever seen Practical Magic? Some say I’m a witch (not to be confused with bitch) for several reasons. Maybe, like Sandra Bullock’s character, I made a spell long ago, which I have since forgotten. My wish would be for a man I didn’t think could exist. Maybe it was for a man who had green eyes with purple flecks, a man whose favorite shape was a trapezoid, or some other such randomness. Time will tell, and see what life brings me.

I do know this… I am changing. I am stronger. I know who I am. And, if I am to forge my life alone, unfettered, then that is my fate.

Excellent post. The moment we stop changing, growing, moving forward, learning, is the moment we die.