I’ve thought a lot, lately, about a lot of things. Who I’ve chosen to let into my life, who has stayed in it, and who I want to remain (and in what capacity).
I am, at 43, getting tired of a lot of things. I am making changes to be less tired. I no longer want the random sex. I no longer want half ass relationships. I no longer want to be second to anyone or anything, barring my partner’s children, and I expect to be first as well, with the exception of my children.
I don’t know how things will end up. I may be alone for the rest of my life. There may be no person at the end of that red string; no one to pull back, when I pull. Tomorrow I may meet someone who can give me what I want and need. I know I will be better alone than miserable and wanting.
Have you ever seen Practical Magic? Some say I’m a witch (not to be confused with bitch) for several reasons. Maybe, like Sandra Bullock’s character, I made a spell long ago, which I have since forgotten. My wish would be for a man I didn’t think could exist. Maybe it was for a man who had green eyes with purple flecks, a man whose favorite shape was a trapezoid, or some other such randomness. Time will tell, and see what life brings me.
I do know this… I am changing. I am stronger. I know who I am. And, if I am to forge my life alone, unfettered, then that is my fate.
Excellent post. The moment we stop changing, growing, moving forward, learning, is the moment we die.
“That which yields is not always weak.” – Jacqueline Carey — Kushiel’s Dart
If you pay any attention to any of the good blog around Tumblr, you’ll note there’s agreement on quite a few things, such as the truth that submissives are not weak. This is what the quote above says to me, as well as the reminder that bridges and skyscrapers are built to flex, so to speak, with wind, traffic, and vibrations so they will maintain structural integrity. Trees bend and sway the wind, even strong winds, though they generally don’t break.
Today, I thought I was going to break. I truly doubted myself for a short while. Personal things were piling up, and I just *couldn’t* any more. I was done. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t want to be on Earth anymore. I didn’t want to deal anymore. I couldn’t find my boot straps to pick myself up by and march on.
So I yielded to my sorrows and despair. I cried, a lot. I wailed and keened to the point that a banshee would have been scared away. I soaked half a towel with snot, tears, and drool (it wasn’t pretty). I was lost for that time. I struggled to find an anchor in that sea of sorrows. My tears finally ran out. I couldn’t summon any further heartache.
I am still, at least 8 hours later, so very tired, but my I’m not broken. I yielded but didn’t give up, and didn’t indulge my no longer wanting to be here. I am still here because I could yield. Because I am a submissive, I have learned that I can yield to a great many things, but still be so very strong. I can also yield to life, even if it’s just a short moment in time, and then continue on, as a strong woman who knows who she is and what she is worth.
I swear that submissives are some of the strongest people I’ve ever known, even if we don’t always think it or believe it of ourselves. We will always continue as ourselves, as submissives, who will yield but remain strong.
Because tumblr isn’t a book of mine. It’s, at its best, a community, which includes a number of things, and sexuality is one of the things it includes.
I’ve got about 400,000 people following me here, and I’ve never stopped to investigate what any of them are or what they like. But sometimes I’ll click on the tumblr of someone who’s asked a good question or reblogged with an interesting comment, and found myself in very NSFW places.
“It’s what’s in yourself that makes you happy or unhappy.” – Agatha Christie, A Murder is Announced.
Model: @artmodelbrookelynne
#fotoarcade #shibari #shibari #flowers #jute #rope #modeling
Sharp Dressed Dom 