I am having trouble grappling with long distance d/s. I have met a Dom, but we live very far away from each other. He tells me how into me he is, and I like the feeling, but I just can’t/won’t commit. I feel horrible for doing so. It’s no fear of commitment, more like I have been single for so long already that committing to someone I never even get to see and *closing up shop* so to speak seems unfair. I did tell him all of this. Despite this he told me he will keep pursuing me, he sends gifts, sweet gestures, etc but honestly I couldn’t see myself moving out there and I couldn’t see him moving out here. Also, although I have administered self punishments and *tried* to stay within set rules, there is a part (a part that I hate) of me that feels like he won’t know if I disobey. I am just wondering how so many Dom/subs do the long distance thing and how many it works out for? And if I am being selfish to not want something long distance?
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LDR Followers, help with some things that work for you!
Dear @instructor144 @anon ,
You not only have permission, but you have the right, to be honest with your wants. So no it is most definitely NOT selfish to need and/or want something more than LDR.
As far as I can tell from your ask, you’ve been direct and honest with him.
I often speak about love not being enough. Love doesn’t pay the bills, put food on the table or provide for all your needs. The same can be said of Dominance and submission.
Life isn’t fair. And it’s not your job to be fair. It’s your job to assess yourself, your needs, your wants and then be brutally honest about them.
This man refuses to hear your “No.” He doesn’t get to pursue you anyways. And, in my judgement, it would be selfish, unfair and cruel on your part not to enforce your no by refusing to participate any longer in this.
Free both of you from this dance by cutting off contact as directly and completely as possible.
The most merciful and loving thing you can do for both of you is to move on.
Learn from this and refuse to even begin to vet anyone that is LDR. It is simply a hard limit for you. And that’s okay.
None of us is required to accept the unacceptable.
I wish you a spine of steel and peace in your journey of finding your IRL D/s relationship.
From a Dominant perspective I have to agree with @submissive-seeking. I have tried a few LDRs and found them inadequate to meet either her needs or mine. The defecit was mostly mine; I work very hard at a physically demanding job with workdays often exceeding 12 hours. There are methods which can work to help – apps for tasks and rewards, apps like Face Time and Skype for communication. Time zone differences can make even these unweildy. Add to that the lack of anything more than rare opportunities for physicsl interaction and most D/s and Dd/lg LDR relationships end up being placeeholders waiting for local IRL opportunities. Granted, for some this is enough; for me it was not. Know what you want and go for that. Use present time to prepare for the relationship that will fulfill you. Having said all that, long-distance friendships and even mentorships have value. It need not necessarily be all or nothing, but only you can determine what works for you.
LDR and D/s
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Sharp Dressed Dom 