I get a lot of asks in the form of messages, and my policy is that I generally don’t discuss messages between me and my followers, while I will publicly answer asks unless people ask me not to. Many of the messages that I get follow a similar template:
“Hello, I’m in a (statement of type of relationship/dynamic), and (statement of problem that they’re experiencing). Is this normal/How do I fix it?
This is a very efficient method for getting answers to some of the more simple problems that people encounter in their relationships, but it runs into some problems for some of the more complicated issues that might exist. To that end, I decided to put together a sort of self-test for people so that they can examine their relationship and identify things that either they need to work on with their partner, or that constitute dealbreakers and validate their feeling that they should walk away.
The three categories that I have chosen are as follows: Sense of well-being/Respect, Communication/Transparency, and Fulfillment.
Sense of Well-Being/Respect:
1. Do I feel safe with my partner? (Both physically and emotionally)
2. Does my partner respect my limits? (Applies to hard limits and soft limits)
3. Does my partner respect my safeword?
4. Have we talked about using my safeword and what happens afterward?
5. Does my partner take an interest in and/or demonstrate my preferred form of aftercare?
6. When things don’t go according to plan, does my partner make me feel valued and accepted anyways?
7. Is my partner accepting of my physical appearance without forcing or coercing me to change things about myself? (Other than those which have been discussed and agreed upon willingly by both parties)
8. Is my partner accepting of any physical limitations that I might have? (Especially with disabilities, general health concerns, joint problems, etc.)
9. Does my partner take an interest in my mental health and are they supportive and courteous towards any issues I may have?
10. Does my partner let me know, on a regular basis, that I am valued and appreciated and that my place in their life is secure?
Communication/Transparency
1. Has my partner been forthcoming about their past relationships and honest about things that went well and things that went wrong?
2. Do I know my partner’s current relationship status outside of our relationship? (Married, single, separated, dating other people/talking to other people, etc.)
3. Do I feel like I can openly express my needs and wants to my partner without retaliation, guilt, or hostility?
4. Does my partner check in with me about my wants and needs and express an interest in ensuring that they are met?
5. After playtime/scenes, is my partner open to discussing what went well and what could be done differently?
6. Is my partner open to my thoughts and opinions, both generally and in regards to our relationship?
7. Does my partner communicate to me when they will be unreachable and when they will be back in touch?
8. Does my partner set adequate expectations regarding demands on their time and give an acceptable explanation (preferably in advance) for any broken dates?
9. Do my partner and I regularly converse about things not relating to sex/playtime/scenes?
10. Generally speaking, do I feel heard or that I have a voice in the relationship?
Fulfillment
1. Does my relationship make me happy?
2. Do I feel comfortable with where my relationship is currently?
3. Do I feel comfortable/confident with the direction my relationship is heading? (More applicable for committed relationships)
4. Do I feel like my partner is holding up their end of the relationship?
5. Do I feel like I am holding up my end of the relationship?
6. Do I feel a sense of purpose from my role in the relationship?
7. Do I feel wanted and needed by my partner?
8. Am I satisfied with the rules/protocols in place within our dynamic?
9. Do I feel safe from any threat of competition from other people for the attention/affection of my partner?
10. Am I satisfied with my performance and the performance of my partner within the defined roles of our dynamic?
This is a generalized list, meant more to create questions for you to think about than an end-all, be-all list of questions to determine your relationship’s health. This list is meant to help identify specific areas to consider for discussion with your partner or for self-reflection. There are a great many other questions that could’ve been included, and I welcome their addition in the comments section!
All answers above should be a ‘Yes’, and if they are not, it should serve as an indicator that something may be amiss. Not every question will be applicable to every relationship and/or situation, and a ‘No’ doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is unhealthy, just that you have something to consider.
Outstanding, @dinodaddy !! 👍👍
Is My Relationship Healthy?
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Sharp Dressed Dom 